With school out for the summer, many parents are thinking about leaving their kid (or kids!) home alone for the first time. It’s a major milestone that often causes a bit of mental debate (or perhaps a verbal debate with a partner) about the pros and cons of such a decision.
What are the age restrictions in my state for leaving kids home alone while I work? Is my kid mature enough to stay alone and if so, for how long? Can I trust my teen to stay alone overnight? Should I let them have a friend stay over for the weekend that we’re gone? At what age can they babysit a younger sibling? Do they know what to do in an emergency? What if someone finds out that they’re staying alone?
To be clear, there are lots of reasons parents may want or need their kid to stay home without adult supervision. It could be that a hybrid job requires them to go into the office twice a week. Or that they need to take a sibling to urgent care in the middle of the night. Perhaps they need to run to a nearby store for diapers but don’t want to be slowed down with multiple car seats and stroller. Or maybe the parents just want to get away for a romantic weekend.
Whatever the reason, we’ve got some information on the legalities of such a choice, as well as tips to help you make the best decision for your family.
Review the “home alone” rules by state.
While most states don’t have firm rules about at what age a child can be left alone, they do have child protection laws that classify “failing to provide adequate supervision of a child” as neglect. Of course, that’s open to a bit of interpretation, based on factors like the child’s age, maturity, mental ability, and physical condition, as well as the length of time the parent will be gone, the home environment in which the child will be left, and whether other siblings are present. Start by searching the state statues on Child Welfare Information Gateway.
Evaluate your child’s maturity.
Who would you trust more to leave alone: an impulsive and immature 16-year-old teen or a cool-headed and responsible 12-year-old? Most of us would say the latter, weighing the benefits of maturity over age. No doubt, maturity is perhaps the most significant factor to consider when pondering whether your kid is ready to be left home alone. But how do you determine their level of psychological functioning? Start with these questions:
- Has your child shown that they’re comfortable being left alone for short periods of time? (e.g., in the car while you run an errand, at home while you go to a neighbor’s house)
- Can they take care of themselves physically? (e.g., cooking food, washing their own laundry, taking medicine)
- Are they able to regulate their own emotions and cope when they are feeling anxious, stressed, or scared?
- Do they have a history of making good decisions—even in the face of peer pressure? (e.g., Will they throw a party at their friends’ urging?)
- Do they typically obey the rules that you’ve set?
- Are they relatively autonomous? (e.g., completing homework without being reminded, turning in missing work after they’ve been out sick, advocating for themselves)
- Have they proven themselves to be responsible for the needs of others? (e.g., attending to a younger sibling while you nap or work from home, pet sitting for neighbors, mowing an elderly neighbor’s grass)
If most of these questions garner a solid “yes,” you’re off to a great start!
Consider the specific circumstances.
Just as every child is different, so is every circumstance under which a kid will be left home alone. Here are a few questions to consider:
- How long will your child be left alone? Will they need to prepare meals for themselves and/or siblings?
- Will your child be alone during the day or at night?
- How many children will they be responsible for and what are their ages and specific needs?
- How safe is your neighborhood?
- Is there a nearby adult who can offer immediate help if your child gets scared or there’s an emergency?
- Are there any hazards that are accessible to the kid in charge or their siblings? (e.g., a gun, medications, alcohol, hazardous chemicals)
Remember, just because your tween or teen is capable of taking care of younger siblings and handling emergencies doesn’t mean they want to. They may be nervous about being responsible for the safety of others or may not be comfortable being in charge—especially if they’ve had power struggles with similarly aged siblings in the past. Be sure to discuss and address any concerns your child may have before enlisting them to watch other children.
Determine your child’s safety skills.
In an ideal world, every tween or teen will have taken a babysitting safety course that covers things like CPR, the Heimlich maneuver, basic first aid, and keeping kids safe. But that’s not realistic for every family—especially when you consider budget, accessibility to classes, and the fact that some decisions must be made without a lot of time to plan. Still, there are some things you can do to help boost your child’s safety skills and sense of security. As you review these points with your kid, you can gauge how well they might handle an emergency if it comes up.
- Review your family’s emergency safety plan and ensure your child (and ideally, younger siblings) can follow it. For example, for a small fire, do they know how to use the fire extinguisher? Do they understand where to meet outside if there’s a fire? Do they know what to do if the carbon monoxide detector goes off?
- Do they have your phone number memorized? Do they know where you work?
- Do they know to call 911 in an emergency and can they recite your address and other important, relevant information? (e.g., how many children and pets are in the home)
- Do they know where the first aid kit is and can they determine when to rinse a cut and apply a band-aid vs. when to call 911?
You may want to consider having them practice some basic responses, watching a video on performing the Heimlich on a child (or on themselves), and getting a decal for your front door that alerts emergency responders to the presence of children and pets.
Most importantly, start with shorter excursions—such as a trip to a nearby convenience store—and see how it goes. This will help your child build confidence and independence while earning your trust. And who knows? You may find that the time away provides just the break you need to return home rested, relaxed, and maybe a tiny bit relieved.